


What If This Was How To End Sibling Rivalries?

by OhgunAP



Series: The Politically Incorrect ARKS Operatives [2]
Category: Phantasy Star Online 2, YouTubeurs - Barricade Garage
Genre: Comedy, Episode 6 Preview, Gen, Roasting, Sibling Rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:00:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27838732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhgunAP/pseuds/OhgunAP
Summary: Tensions between Kylo and his older and more prideful brother have escalated to the point that the entire ARKS Fleet is being threatened by their conflicts. To resolve their rivalry once and for all, Aisha has requested the aid of an Earthling to establish a contest between the two that will avert potential violence between the two of them and get them on the same page.
Series: The Politically Incorrect ARKS Operatives [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074413





	What If This Was How To End Sibling Rivalries?

*Denzel takes a puff of the cigar he's holding with his left hand before he laughs and smacks a cup off of the table.*

Denzel: Ladies and gentlemen of the ARKS Fleet, tonight I'm going to put an end to a Deuman sibling rivalry that's threatening the stability of the fleet. I guarantee you that, I stand by it. On my left-hand side, we have Kylo, a Bouncer main with a future Phantom subclass; and over on my right-hand side, we have Renzo, the future Etoile main. Okay, gentlemen, the rules of this contest are simple. Think about the most annoying buzzwords you've heard Earthlings use in 2020, and use them in an insult to roast your opponent. If Euclyta catches either one of you cringing or insulting someone without at least one buzzword, she'll wack you upside your head; and the first brother who takes three wacks... loses!

*Densel smacks a cup towards his right-hand side of the table.*

Denzel: Y'all understand what I'm sayin' or what I'm talkin' 'bout? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! MAY THE BEST DEUMAN WIN THE DUEL!

*Denzel laughs and smacks a cup towards his left-hand side of the table.*

Renzo: I bet you file your horn so short, you look that thug who demanding global solidarity. Solidarity. Solidarity.

*A bell dings*

Kylo: Oh, ho. Well, your left eye's so red any Earthbound God-complexed politician would have his cult followers call you a Super-spreader.

*A bell dings*

Kylo: I'm not done. When I look at your hair color, I think "I didn't know you could become a ginger through Asymptomatic transmission."

*A bell dings as Renzo cringes in response to Kylo's previous insult which earns him a smack on the head by Euclyta.*

[Remaining Hits: Kylo 3, Renzo 2]

Renzo: You thought hard about those two, didn't you. I bet when any Earthling Karen looks at your cat-looking ass during Expeditions in Vegas, she wants to assault you because you won't "wear a mask."

*A bell dings as Kylo cringes, causing Euclyta to whack him in the back of the head.*

[Remaining Hits: Kylo 2, Renzo 2]

Kylo: Well at least I have some modesty when it comes to my horn, unlike your arrogant ass.

*A buzzer sounds, which signals Euclyta to whack Kylo upside his head again.*

[Remaining Hits: Kylo 1, Renzo 2]

Kylo: What the hell was that for!?

Euclyta: You didn't use a buzzword in your last insult.

Kylo: Fine. I swear with a horn that long, you're better off staying at home to save lives.

*A bell dings before Denzel takes out a bottle of vodka and a stack of cups which he smacks toward the left-hand side of the table to display who's losing his contest.*

Renzo: Well with a horn as short as yours, I bet a bunch of Earthlings will attack you on sight. Because they think you're appropriating their culture unless you start chanting "Black Lives Matter" until you get back to your Gateship.

*A bell dings*

Kylo: With a body like yours, I bet you're eager to peacefully protest on Shiva's front door when you start acting like a green-skinned Earth-made superhero.

*A bell dings*

Renzo: Well I rather get the wings and a tail like the Crimson Fellwyrm before I ever trust a politician's science.

*A buzzer sounds, which signals Euclyta to smack Renzo in the back of his head.*

Kylo: That wasn't an insult aimed towards me Ren.

[Remaining Hits: Kylo 1, Renzo 1]

Renzo: Just finish me right now Euclyta. I rather take an 'L' with honor.

Big Gov: Y'all triggered the Earth Algorithm! I'm gonna finish both of you!

*Big Gov spits in his gloved right hand and laughs as he tries to slap Renzo when Afin and Riza aim their assault rifles at him, causing him to stop as Euclyta aims Aurora at his skull.*

Risa: Now what you think you're doing with that hand of yours?

Afin: I won't let you bring harm to my mates and Eucie!

Big Gov: Who the hell do you think y'all are!?

Kylo and Renzo: We are ARKS. And we are not bound to your Earthly tyranny!

*Kylo and Renzo stabs Big Gov with a Soaring Blade, causing Big Gov to vanish as he falls to the floor of Franca's Cafe.*

Kylo: You okay bro?

Renzo: Yeah, I'll be fine. But who the fuck was that asshole?

*Denzel laughs as the group turns their attention back towards him.*

Denzel: That guy represents not only Earth's global enforcement for sustainable development which is a United Nations agenda for the 21st century; but also Shiva's intentions to wipe the ARKS fleet from the face of the Oracle System man.

Denzel: The only way you're gonna put a stop to both is if you all stand together. Because if one prevails against them then a hundred shall withstand him. Because a loyal million-strong fleet is not easily broken! Huh! Know what I'm talkin' 'bout!?

*Kylo and Renzo then turn their attention towards each other and shake hands before they give each other a brotherly hug while Denzel is talking to them.*

Renzo: How about we call this contest a draw?

Kylo: Gladly, I'd rather get a glance at what the new Phantom and Etoile have in store for us than continue this rivalry any further.


End file.
